Friday, August 2, 2019

Honeymooning the #JonsAbs Way


What's the best way to quit procrastinating on something? Start another project, and then procrastinate on That one by finishing the First one! So this is me procrastinating on my reading marathon by telling you all about some of the quirky fun things Jon and I did on our honeymoon!

First of all, there are some things that we Obviously did and enjoyed Very Much on this honeymoon, and that is all that I will be saying about that. This post will be about the Other things that we did when we weren't doing the obvious things.

Before I go any further, I just want to explain both to myself and to everyone involved Why I am writing a public post about our honeymoon. The whole thing was a really fun story, as you will hopefully see. There are some really cool things I learned about marriage and about friendship and about life that I really want to share with you all. It's also just really fun to relive. That's it. That's the reason. Moving on.

In my last wedding post I told you that the first thing Jon and I did after the ceremony was take a nap, and the first thing we did after the reception was jump in East Grand Lake and get all the birdseed off of us. Some of our more intrepid guests saw us jump in, and joined us. These guests were my favorite guests. I'm sorry to everyone else, we love you too, but anyone who is willing to jump in a lake with the bride and groom is just an exceptional sort of wedding guest, I hope you understand.

After Jon and the boys enjoyed jumping off the dock a few times, and I swam to the middle of the cove and back (because that is my favorite East Grand Lake/Dark Cove pastime), we got out, and Jon helped me pull 5,642 bobby pins from my hair (numbers probably inaccurate). We loaded our suitcases into his car, grabbed a couple leftover chicken pot pies from the wedding feast, and got on the road just as the sun was setting.

Our first major concern was finding a open gas station in the middle of the North Maine Woods. That took about half an hour. Our second major concern was the random black garbage bag in the middle of the road that we didn't see at all until we had plowed into it at full speed. We kept driving, but discovered later that there had been some sort of wet white paint in it which had splashed all down the side of Jon's red Ford. He was....Unhappy. Fortunately we got most of that paint off a couple days later in a car wash.

That same night my maid of honor and her carpool had a Very near miss in the mist with a moose.
Maine is sneaky. And not nice sometimes.

Jon and I made it to my hometown, Machias and the adorable Margaretta Inn at some late hour and fell asleep immediately. We were exhausted. You know what they say...Marriage is Hard Work. If you're ever in Machias, the Margaretta Inn is the way to go. 10/10. Just saying.

My goal for the first day of our honeymoon was to show Jon around my hometown, which he had never seen before, since my parents moved after I left for college. Our first stop was a brunch date at the iconic Helen's Restaurant. Helen's, famous in the circles of Rachel Ray and Martha Stewart for its blueberry pie, has been a fixture in my hometown since 1950. It burned to the ground one summer night in 2014, but the town rallied and raised money to rebuild it so that Jon and I could have our first married brunch looking out at the Machias River in 2019.

By the time we finished our crab cakes and french toast (or whatever we got), it had started raining. We immediately elected to cut about half our plans for the day, but I still HAD to show Jon my favorite beach in the whole wide world (and I have been to beaches from West Africa to Southern California). I showed him Roque Bluffs, the bit of ocean I've written some mediocre poetry about, the bit that's hidden by rose bushes and hides whales sometimes. We had coffees in our hands and enjoyed the mist and spray and light rain while wading in the cold waves. There was no one else on the whole beach, and it was pretty special.

After our beach adventure, we began our road trip to Pennsylvania where we'd be spending the majority of the trip. Jon and I road trip together really well. We just have a lot of fun. Our destination was a cabin in a camping resort near Bushkill. We checked in Incredibly Late at night and slept in for forever the next morning.

We spent the next several days cooking in the fireplace, watching romantic movies, and taking long baths in the rather large tub, which was my favorite part of the whole cabin. I still miss that tub. I still miss the margarita I accidentally dumped into the suds. It was in this tub that Jon and I had the idea to do something I highly recommend to all married couples: We switched shaving roles. I learned how terrifying it is to take a sharp blade to a face (I did not cut him, I promise), and he learned how big a task it is to shaves one's legs and how easy it is to completely miss large swaths of hairiness.

We honestly didn't leave the cabin very much. Jon surprised me with a trip to a teeny local theater to watch Spiderman. He straight up shocked me when he suggested getting pedicures (it Was his idea, and don't let him tell you otherwise). We made an obligatory trip to Bushkill Falls, a 100ft waterfall with sister falls all around, connected by hiking trails. That was lots of fun.

I will confess that I did bring some books on my honeymoon, and I did actually read them. Just because you're in love and married doesn't mean you won't need still time to yourself, and Jon and I have quickly learned when to steal away for that time to avoid silly fights and to recharge so that the time we do spend together can be that much sweeter.

After our time at the cabin was spent, we packed up and took ourselves to Hershey Park. I had never been to Hershey Park before. I had only been to one theme park ever, and that was at the age of nine. I had only been on one roller coaster ever, and hadn't been too sure of it at the time. The first thing Jon did was take me on a roller coaster I was really really really not ready for. Roller coasters go against every self-protective instinct in my being. Once I got off--shaking all over--Jon and I had to figure out what to do in a marriage where one person lives for roller coasters and burning buildings and other such thrills, and the other is scared to death of them. Jon was very patient with me.

We backed off the tough coasters and slowly worked me up to it. We started with the water park slides and rides, then worked through the baby coasters, slowly getting me used to the speeds and the drops until I was more or less comfortable. I did refuse, though, to go on any coaster which had a harness which went over one's head. I did not want to be flipped upside down and sideways. Whenever we came upon one of these in our ramblings through the park, I waited with Jon in line, then climbed over the coaster seats and waited on the other side til he came back Not Dead. Which gave me even more confidence.

Near the end of the day I screwed up my courage to go on The Great Bear.

It. Was. Awesome/Horrible. I felt like I was flying. It was thrilling. I got motion sick. I stayed motion sick for a week. I stayed motion sick so long I took a pregnancy test just to make sure there wasn't some Other Reason I was nauseous. There wasn't. PHEW. If you think I'm scared of roller coasters, you have no idea how terrified I am of motherhood. Might write a post about that soon. Just might.

Jon and I finished out our night at Hershey riding the Comet, which I truly believe is the most romantic ride in the park, especially at night when you can enjoy all its little white lights. But of course we couldn't leave Hershey without buying a mountain of chocolate. This chocolate, in subsequent weeks has been quietly shuffled back and forth from Jon's super secret candy hiding spots (which weirdly include the freezer) to my super secret candy hiding spots.

After Hershey, we came home to our adorable little apartment in Berryville--at that point quite crowded with wedding gifts and decor and unpacked nonsense. The next day--our first official day of mundane marriage--we made a huge brunch together and watched movies--which is pretty much all we did the entire honeymoon, but whatever--and then I had to be off to Elisabeth Wilk's wedding rehearsal! In other words: the first thing I did after all my wedding festivities were over was spend two more days in wedding festivities. It was really nice, because along with celebrating with Elisabeth and Aaron, we got to celebrate with members of our friend group who weren't able to make it all the way to Maine for Our wedding. Back to back weddings? I'd do it again. Roadtrip with Jon? I'd do it any day. Roller coasters? I guess I like them now. But only when I have a certain hand to hold.

P.S. To anyone who gave us a wedding gift and hasn't received a thank-you note yet, please know that I AM thankful, I'm just procrastinating on that too. If you don't get one, I blame the United States Postal Service. I'm still getting wedding invitations back in the mail. *Shakes Head*

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